Mid July

Hello, gooood morning my dear blog!

   I am again one step closer to August, to school and it seems like my schedule before that is already busy! I do however Like to be busy, to do something, be somewhere and luckly I get to spend a whole week with my dad and visit my grandmother who I haven't seen in so long. I love my family and it is always a pleasent time with them!
But to think that everything comes down to one date - August 7th -  the day I will find out if the US embassy will give me the Visa to attend YWAM or not.. This is So very exciting yet so frightning. I am told all the time not to be afraid but I cannot help it at the moment. I will continue to pray that God would take my fear away so that I will not be afraid, but to have peace in my heart and the right words in my mouth to speak up at the interview.
And to think about it.. when I get the visa.. I have so little time to babaysit all the kids I have been babysitting, to see my friends and family, to gather all my money I have made or got through some amazing people who have been so generous to me, and then it would be time to fly and follow my God with the dreams I have had in me for a Long time!! To have Faith in God, that He will take me to it and through it!! Why else do I have -Today Go in Faith- written on my arm/wrist.

Bible talkes about one boy who had demons in him and his father was greatly conserned and worried. He brought his son to the disciples to heal him, but they could not do it and in Matthew 17:17 it says " O unbelieving and perverse generation," Jesus replied, "how long shall I put up with you? Bring the boy here to me."
18 Jesus rebuked the demon, and it came out of the boy, and he was healed from that moment.
19 Then the disciples came to Jesus in private and asked, "Why couldn't we drive it out? "

20 "He replied, "Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you."   
if we just have as small faith as mustard seed.. and to think.. mustard seed is TINY

To have faith in God. To trust Him that He truly knows what is best for me, when something is best for me and how something is best for me!
He loves me, doesn't he!! So He must know the BEst for Me!

Please be prayng with me, to have Faith in God and that all my fears would melt away, to have peace in my heart when I go to the embassy.

How funny.. It is mid July and I am already conserned what will happen in August.. that again reminds me the wize words of Jesus in Luke 12:22

Then Jesus said to his disciples; "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. 23Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. 
24Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them And how much more valuable you are than birds!
25Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? 26Since you cannot do this verly little thing, why do you worry about the rest?


I should not worry about August, since I still have about 3 weeks to raise my 2500€ for the school.
Oh God help me not to worry about it !

Have a blessed day, and do not worry about today!

Liis

Summertime so busy

It is already July and I have been busy enough to miss my home! To be home with my dear cat and just enjoy the quietness around my home.
Summer has already reached the month of July and I have been to two camps in a row. I can feel how my body is just tired and my soul is looking for some peace!
I haven't written in a long time and I kinda miss that. I miss writing down my feelings (yes we sometimes have a lot of feelings, like my friend likes to say) wothout being afraid who might see them!
This time of the year will be somewhat emotional for me.
My closest friends are leaving for Texas very very soon, and my grandpa will return home as well. I haven't even spent so much time with them but already it is time for them to leave.
 Now I undestand what: time goes by so fast, means, because it has literally went by so very fast that I feel like I have missed some of the days.
But I can't tell you that I have slept through a lot of them because I haven't. It is just the fact that when you spend time with your people you simply don't have enough hours in one day!
I wonder how much sleep Jesus got when he was on earth! I mean he loved his disciples and the people he spent time with. Did he ever slept in? I don't think so! I bet they used as much of the hours in one day, they could! I have to ask Jesus one day!
But coming back to the summertime and the fact that it is already July.. Ohh my gooodness!!!
Is it just me, the fact that I am a girl, or it is just me?
I have so many different feelings coming up about September, that I just Cannot wait to see what God has planned for me!
I have definitely learned how to be more patient, how to be humble, how to share my dreams with people and I hope that God will continue to teach me and I am willing to accept whatever needs to be done in my life. 
And whatever happens in September, I know that God has the best plan for Me! Because knowing me I know that God knows me more. 
Jeremiah 1:5  

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew^a you,

before you were born I set you apart;

I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.”

I mean how cool is that right?

So I have to trust my future in God hands and really, with all my heart. I am hopefully going to learn this cause if I don't I will be in trouble.

I am just so very excited to see what's gonna happen!

Ohh dear blog,

I just pray that I won't give up and keep on going in faith and hope, I have given in God!

"Dear God please be with me to comfort me and to encourage me throughout the summer, please keep me away from evil and the thoughts that are from evil! I want to be humple and teachable and I pray that my heart would be opened to you, soft like clay that you can use in molding me the way you see is the best, I pray this in Jesus name, Aamen"

  

    Today I feel like YWAM is next door waiting for me to step in.
But fear gets me even before I raise my foot outside of this door.
       "Will I raise enough money? Why should people even want to support me? Why should they be interested in what I have in my heart? People in my church don't even know me and my business is now their business? My desire is now their desire? "

A lot of questions like these are in my mind today and have been in my mind before today.
Luckly I have been told that God's will is God's bill. And if God brought me to it, He will bring me through it. And even if I won't raise money for the school I still have to Love Him and remember myself that He's timing is something else and He knows me more then anybody. SO He would not want to bring me down but instead, to lift me up in a new way!

Romans 12:12
Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.
This verse has been in my mind and I know I still have so much to practise and to remind myself every single day!
And it continues...
13 Share with God's people who are in need. Practise hospitality.
14 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse.
15 Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.
16 Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people low position. Do not be conceited

Prayer

During Sunday meeting I kept on thinking about Thursday prayer night at my church with some people. I was so happy to be there since I had only been there once before but I felt that everybody who cather for those prayer night really seek God and spend time on talking with our Father.
I felt a great need to be there with those people and just pray to God.
After Adu Saar spoke about self-repair and how we should look for Gods grace.. we all could share a prayer request and I thought I would share mine with everybody as well but I didn't. . my personal prayer for that evening was for my classmates I had known for 9years.. since we were 7 until the end of 9th grade. Few days before our prayer night I got an invitation to go to our class reunion and my heart started beating really fast and I had this excitement in me. I understood right then that this is something I have to go to. I really didn't feel happy about that feeling but how can I say no to God when He is calling me to do something. The deal is that there was no one in our class who believed in God. Now after many many years there is me and one boy. We both have accepted Christ into our lives.
After this change in me I think there is not a whole lot people who know who I am now.
I have always been ashamed of who I am or what I believe in. For some it is a sign of not really loving God and I agree. I haven't been very sure in God or trusted Him. But I do know.. I don't want to make up any excuses but me..who I am.. I am very shy and easily influenced in my life . And I am still trying not to be afraid of people and what they think about me.. it is really hard to let go of the past and to let go of that fear when the entire life you have been depending on the opinion of other people. I know it is possible to just let go of it but I can't seem to let go. Sounds easy... Let Go! But I haven't learned how to do that ..not yet..
So my prayer was that I would not be a chicken and be afraid to go to that reunion. I know I need to go there so that I would grow In God and what a blessing that would be in the lives of my classmates.
I have prayed for those people and for being useful to God. I don't want to give this oportunity away and I really wanted to pray for that night with the people at the church but I didnt say my prayer out loud.. instead I listened what everybody said and I felt better about myself because I had prayed for this situation by myself. Who else knows my heart more then God.
So hearing what has been going on with others I saw how much more in need they are. In my country a lot of people have lost their jobs or are very ill. When we prayed for them and what has been going on I cried out to Lord. I wanted to pray out loud and suddenly I wasn't so important anymore.. it was more important to pray for those who cant pray for themselves.. people who don't know our Saviour.. their own Father. I remembered a video I had seen from Uganda where a young man I believe had stolen a motorcycle and the people in that village decided to punich him to condemn him for what he had done. A lot of the young man raised their hand against him.. they started throwing bricks at him.. litteraly big red bricks and when he fell down they stared beating him up and beating him with a wooden board.. it was all on tape.. he was laying down .. he had nothing to protect himself with..
I just cried..I was shoked that people are thinking they can judge people like this. The guy got on his feet and started walking away I am sure he was weak and didn't have much strengt left. And other's kept on throwing bricks at him and no one went and helped him everybody who wasn't beating him were just standing there and watching.. so finally.. they started beating him more..he collapsed and there was one guy who punished him the most.. what he did ... he put him on fire!!!! On Fire!! That young man died in front of the village like that and all of the people who were involved talked in their language in front of the camera like they were hero's.
It was absolutely terrible.. now I do not understand the language they spoke but still... they killed that young men..didn't give him a second chance or anything.. just like that evil worked in them as they were brutal and had no mercy .
I prayed whenever I watched that vidoe that God would forgive those men and they would repent. I prayed that they would get to know JEsus!
So during our prayer night I cried out to God that he would forgive them that those people would hear the good news of Jesus who can save them from themselves and from this evil world.
This just broke me. The entire prayer time I cried out to my Lord. Asking for forgivness for me and for those who do not know Him.
It was so good to talk to my Father and just cry out my heart to Him.. like he would not know what is in my heart.. He does but He wants us to speak up to talk to him as well. I did ..that night I talked to him.. I called his name and I felt peace in my heart.. walking home from that prayer time felt really good. Like a big burden had fallen off my shoulders.
He is merciful and I will pray for that village..that Someone would bring good news about Jesus and our Lord to them!
Our God is Good and we don't deserve him. I know I don't but He still loves me and wants to be with me every single day!
How loving He is I will never understand.. Until the day I meet Him and get to go Home!! 

Hungry for more

Hello my dear blog. I haven't spoken to you for a long time now. I felt like I need to write someone. where to start from. This new year that is already been started has been such a blessing to me. I am just so amazed how merciful my God has been. He has provided me with everything I need and I have tried not to worry because He has everything under the control. I had a wonderful Christmas time and New Years even and camp with my beloved grandpa. He has been so loving and caring that I just feel I don't deserve such a love he has. So to think about how much more God loves me.. it makes me cry out my soul to Him. How amazed I am by the people God has given me.
Recently I learned how to be in contact with Father all the time.. to have a day with Him. Thanks to lifechurch I learned that if you keep ongoing communication, instant obedience to God, a daily desperation for God we can have a day with God every single day of our lives.
"Since we live in the Spirit let us keep in step with the Spirit" Galatians 5:25

''Better is one day in your courts then thousand elsewhere. I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God then dwell in the tents of the wicked.'' Psalm 84:10

This reminds me I haven't told you about this one school that I desire to attend. I thirst for more and I believe this time away can help me to gain more of God. I want to go to the world and show how much God loves the people but in order to do that I feel I need to grow and be equipped with 'food' for my spirit. I want to take time off from my life at home and go away to become a better disciple and serve Him with more then I have until now. I like this school. I like their statement and what they do and believe I am ready to be there. I haven't sent all my application papers away but I will do that very soon and pray everything will go well. I think there is a reason why this school is in my heart and why I desire something more then I have right now. I want to be challenged.

What is a YWAM DTS?

The YWAM DTS is a 5-6 month Christian missionary training school that focuses on interactive learning, Christian discipleship, and outreach. At YWAM Madison, we place a high priority on one-on-one discipleship and mentoring. We also have local outreaches throughout the first three months of the school. Our students who complete the DTS are prepared to serve God in traditional missions, the workplace, and in school.

The DTS provides an essential foundation in Christian character as students grow in their understanding of God and who He has called them to be.

I dont want to sound like I have been accepted.. no not at all.. this dream is in the hands of my Father.
Nothing is impossible for those who believe. I believe I am made for something big and there is a purpose just for me. I want to be fed with the Word and filled with the Holy Spirit and I desire more then I have right now. I desire more of God and the love He wants us to have. I want to serve in every way I am able to, to care for those who are forgotten with the care and love from God.

Barcelona

I almost forgot to write about my little adventure I recently had.
I had this amazing opportunity to go to Spain. I went there on the 17th of Novemebr and got to spend the weekend over there. It was my first time to be in Spain and I absolutley loved it.
When I already got to the airport I was so excited and nervous about flying because it felt like Summer of TX all over the place. this excitement and body shaking feeling was with me this time as well. I knew I am going to SPain but I guess I felt like going to TX again. I wish..
Anyways..
It was very cool to be on a plain again and fly. Even though my stomach was soooo emty the whole flight time and I didn't want to buy anything on the plain because of the cost of food.. So I just tried not to think about the food.. it almost happened.. I ate one cornbar and it was yummy to my tummy.
So my time over there.
I got to Spain and it was absolutely beautiful, the city and the buildings in it and the people who made it so alive with cars and motorbikes and scooters and talkers..loud talking all the time :D
My first night I was just all over the place with my eyes hooked on buildings and passing people. I didn't even mind walking to my hotel/hostel. It took a long time but I didn't really care. It was just breath taking and love everywhere!

I got to visit a lot of cool places and got fooled by a local/indian guy.. But I didn't care that much.
I mean the parrots and the palm trees and the houses and the parks and the people and the weather and the sunshine and the mountains and the stores and the fruits and the streets and the beach.. it all covered that little incident with that guy at the beach with his coconuts.
I took a lots of pictures and bought some yummy stuff. They even sell frozen joghurt..not as good as Spoons one but I was happy to have some. Also oreos they have and some other american stuff.
Ohh wow. To think back about my trip. I felt so nice and calm and relaxed over there. Kaili was kinda like my tour guide taking me to places and I am so grateful for her being there and showing me so much. Thanks to her I visited La Sagrada Familia and it was just Amazingly beautiful. All the details of that building just made me wow all the time I was admireing that place. We didn't go in because of that LONG line and i didn't really have money to buy the ticket. But even from outside it was gorgeous so I bet it looked amazing from inside.
Also one of my favourite places was park Güell. The houses and that park with amazing overlook for the town and mountains you could see surrounding that beautiful city. We even climbed one.. smaller one but still high enough to see the entire city.

People..locals where also something I really enjoyed.. the fact they don't really speak english was challenging and exciting. I got to use all of my spanish skills from movies I've watched as a kid. Just made me laugh a lot of times..

Hopefully I get to upload a lot of pictures soon!
I will say this again: I love Barcelona
and am so thankful to God who helped me to get there and who took good care of both of us :)
Love you
Liis

Barcelona was Beautiful and I said A lot of times. I'm in love with Barcelona.
I saw international college and thought about going there already. I made all kind of plans to go back and stay there for at least 2months. Well maybe someday. But only if it's not only me who wants to go there. If I have the yes word from God to go there.

Getting closer

   Well today we are one step closer to Christmas and I actually forgot that today is when we light our first candle and it has always been a big thing for me personally. Since I was a kid I was somehow apart of this event.. lighting our first candle and countind down the weeks til Christmas day.
When I was a kid I remember how we had this angel thing..where you could place four candles and then the angels started to move in a circle and make a beautiful sound...
    Now I am not a kid anymore and things have changed, but not the holiday feeling and the feeling of waiting for something to come.. As a kid ofcourse you wait for the presents and getting your stockings filled with candies by Santa's little helpers.. I will put my stocking on a window to continue the childhood fun but not because of the candies.. maybe for one or two.. :)
But anyways my point is that how wonderful it is to step into a Chirstmas-time. I love the atmosphere arount my hometown.. all the christmas lights and decorations on windows. The joy of snow (even though we are still waiting on our snow) and people being happy. I wish this would be all the time but I think there might be a special reason why this is the way it is.. Because know it or not it is the joy of our Christ who's Birthday is coming. Our saviour who was born on earth. I am waiting on that selebration to come.
And even though everything is not so wonderful all the time and I have been struggling a lot and putting this fake smile on my face for people.. I am not fake-smiling over Christmas. It is the time of the year when I get to see my dear papa coming to Estonia and also one of my favourite seasons .. Season of Jesus Birthday :)
So to my blogger: I wish you a happy and lovely time of Christ.mas !

Have a blessed day my dear
Liis.